If I had had a blog before today this post wouldn't be so long...

I had it all together. Not only did I have things Monogrammed, I KNEW what was coming. You see... I had babysat for everyone who had children in Marietta. Nothing would surprise me about being a mom. I had endured many a temper tantrum, I had changed many diapers that "didn't do their job", I had fixed dinner for picky eaters, I had let kids "cry it out", I had doctored boo-boos... I was READY TO GO, and you could tell by the appearance of my stomach last January. In other words, I was a naive idiot...Here are some recent stories that I would have blogged if I'd had one.... AND in some cases pictures speak louder than words.. I tell these stories so that I can laugh instead of cry...

1. Caroline (4 months old)- I started going to a play group to GET OUT (which I recommend). I had just perfected the ability to only be about five minutes late everywhere I go. I got Caroline dressed. She looked cute and her diaper bag was full so I was ready to go. I got her loaded in her car seat and made my way to the driver seat (garage door open by this time). I was feeling good that morning...free... ummm maybe because I forgot to dress myself. My excuse: I am so used to nursing I just forgot to put my shirt back on. Needless to say, I was more like 8 minutes late. (No photo for this one!)

2. (From an email I sent to the play group I mentioned above...) I changed Caroline's diaper in the wee hours of the morning..(do any of you wonder how many of us are up at the same time together being "mommy" when most people are sleeping?) Anyway, she wet through her diaper (the"organic" Harry's ones) and so while I was changing her I felt something weird inside her p.j.'s... I grabbed it out from under her and I realized that somehow there was a plastic medicine syringe inside her pajamas! I mean she slept on top of that syringe all night.. You know the story of the princess and the pea?? Caroline must not be a princess by the world's standards, but I think she is pretty great to go to sleep with a plastic syringe in her pajamas! About the Harry's diapers...I actually really like them...they contain her poop..ALL of her poop! Yay!! Well, if any of you can figure out how the medicine syringe snuck its way into my little ones p.j.'s please let me know.

3. I went on a little shopping adventure with Caroline in September. I had one of those free Victoria Secret panty cards and I was at the Avenues so I went and redeemed it. The lady at the counter was like "aren't you going to buy something else...you get$10 off bras..." I said not unless you have nursing bras. Then she tried to talk me into some other things and I wanted to say "PLEASE Woman I am broke and I just want my free panties!" I always redeem those FREE cards because I am slowly replacing my XS panties with M and L ones after having baby C... And FREE is the best way to do that! Anyway I made my way to Gymboree a few "stores" later and Caroline was fussy so I thought "I have the perfect toy!" My bag of free panties. Well, can I just say I love Gymboree and when I go in there I probably don't watch Caroline as well as I should. I was looking at a really cute dress when a lady walked by that worked there and said "she is eating that tissue paper", I didn't even look up, I just said, "yeah, she has a little paper everyday". Well when I finally looked up there were little pieces of pink Victoria's Secret tissue shreds ALL over the floor in differnt places. I picked it up and decided I better head out-but before I could get out the door I hear "Are these your panties Miss?" from across the store! On the other side of the store lay my BIG panties that had previously been in the pink tissue! So I said "yes thanks" and after looking at a few more cute things I left. Got to my car only to realize I had left all my shopping bags inside Gymboree. What a fun trip! Needless to say Caroline didn't get that cute baby deer outfit. Probably better since I would have paid for it with grocery money and we would have less meat to eat.

4. One time Bo and I had a discussion on whether or not babies poop in the bathtub. He says they just pee (we call it tee-tee). I said no they do both numbers...who would you say won the "discussion"? Bo got this picture in an e-mail while he was at work one day....
You know you want more Bryant family history...

5. Caroline had a diaper rash (Just so you know...I have treated diaper rashes in the past, in my valuable babysitting days... So give me the benefit of the doubt here!) I was letting her "air out".... I thought I had contained her to my cheap linoleum floor in my bathroom- (that I'd love to replace but I'd rather move). She made her way into my closet, found my shoe and made good use of it. I think we should begin potty training immediately. Yes, that is poop....You know you want more Bryant family history...